Give me a “C”

I still categorize certain women with “Cheerleader”. This is rarely a compliment. Hmmm, am I still the “Art Room Girl”?

Can I Go To The Nurse?

My son, a freshman in high school, is approaching mid-terms for the first time in his school career. He has no clue and is not stressed out, at all. I, on the other hand, remember the “your entire life is riding on this” feeling in my gut and want to throw up. How old do you have to be for God’s sake before that goes away? Just the very mention of the word mid-term makes me shudder. You don’t even want to know what “final” does to me.

Is Everybody Cool?

A habit I have from high school that I still have is saying “cop” every time I pass a police officer. I’m not doing anything wrong, and I’ve stopped saying it out loud, but I whisper it in my mind and look around guiltily as if it were 30 + years ago. I am much more mature than my husband who actually still says it out loud.

Double Dipping

Dancing with the Quaker Hunk

The other night Beah and I were looking at one of my high school yearbooks. It was the one from my junior year. Turns out a guy who graduated that year also graduated from Beah’s high school the year before. What’s up with that?

Boys Win, Again

There was a very rude saying when I was in high school that meant you did not dump your girlfriends when you got a boyfriend: “Chicks over Dicks”. When trying to explain the concept to my teenage son and his friend as I drove and they rode in the backseat of my car, I gave an example of myself and my best friend in high school.

My mom was away and I was staying at her house for the night. She informed me the day before, yes, the day before, that she was going to go out with a new guy that night, a guy I had confided in her that I liked, and I would need to find something else to do. You can imagine how well that sat. I made plans with another friend to go out and stay over her house instead; had a ball. As I didn’t tell my mom, my best friend was to pick me up in the morning so I would be at her house when my mom came home.

I got in the car and she was in a snit. I was the rightful owner of the snit, what did she think she was doing?! She informed me that she had nothing to do the night before because he had stood her up, like it was my fault. Looking out the window with a huge smile on my face I believe I informed her that you should never choose “Chicks over Dicks”.

I never uttered the phrase, but when I got to the end of the story, they informed me that they already knew not to pick “Hos over Bros”. Leave it to boys to have an even more disgusting phrase.

Anxiety Dreams 101

Here’s the one I have– it’s not only a classic anxiety dream, it’s an insulting anxiety dream. I’m in high school, everything’s good, but then the test is distributed and I don’t know any of the answers. And the reason I don’t know any of the answers is not just because I have missed all of the previous classes, it’s because…I’M OLD! At least I’m not naked!

People Who Need People

Remember how much fun it was when you were a teenager, and you and a friend stumbled on something that annoyed the heck out of another friend, and then the two of you ran it into the ground like it was the funniest thing since slapstick was invented?

Well, picture this. Three grownups in their oh so productive meeting. (Ok, for the sake of full disclosure, it was our weekly Bitter But Happy meeting.) We digress onto the subject of my love life. Jaye (Thing 1) breaks out into song: “People. People who need people…” Then Thing 2 (that’s me) joins in, and then segues into “The Way We Were.” The louder Beah begs, then demands, that we stop, the more we giggle and dig deeper into our Las Vegas lounge repertoire. We finally have mercy on her and stop when she resorts to the old solution of fingers-in-the-ears while chanting “la-la-la, I can’t hear you.”

We’re such a mature bunch.

Facebook Phobia

the high school has been changed to protect the innocent (me)

I need to get my Facebook page going. I’m rebuilding my business and this is another way to get the word out. I’ve got a shell, and I get those updates that so-and-so has friended me, but I’ve been reluctant. And do you know the reason I’ve been reluctant? High School, pure and simple! Do I really want all of those people knowing my business, looking at my pictures? I don’t know. You know, there are some people I might actually enjoy seeing and hearing from again, but I’m pretty sure they won’t be the ones contacting me.

MLIA!

Today my teenage daughter hipped me to a great site: mylifeisaverage.com. All kinds of folks submit short observations about ordinary doings in their lives–funny stuff that sometimes makes me laugh out loud, sometimes makes me go “awww,” and sometimes makes me wish I’d said that. I easily get so antsy over the mundane parts of my life (and yeah, I know that way too many people have way bigger problems), it’s good to read reminders that the ordinary can be pretty cool too. MLIA!

The Chicken or the Egg

said butt; notice the eating

Which came first, the fat kid or the indoor kid? Growing up, I could spend my entire Saturday watching TV—Shirley Temple movies were my TV of choice. Doing puzzles, drawing, making potholders, anything that required being inside and on my ever expanding ass were my activities of choice.

I always just assumed that because I was an out-of-shape fat kid, this was all I could do. But maybe these were my interests of choice and the ever expanding butt was necessary for my pursuits. Did you ever think of that?!?